Construction Workers

Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw. So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can't hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language.

He pointed to his eye meaning "I", pointed to his knee meaning "need", then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion.

The man on the ground floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, whips out his chop and starts masturbating.

The worker on 5th floor gets so pissed off he runs down to the ground floor and says, "What the fuck is your problem!!! I said I needed a hand saw!". The other guy says, "I knew that! I was just trying to tell you - I'm coming!"

Peepee Instruction

A kindergarten teacher was instructing his class of little boys on how to go to the bathroom.

He Gave them the following instructions:

One - unzip your zipper
Two - pull your peepee out
Three - stroke the skin back
Four - take a pee
Five - stroke the skin forward
Six - put it away and zip up the zipper

So the boys go to do their thing and return a few minutes later. The teacher asks the boys, "where is Johnny?"

One of the boys replies "He's still in the bathroom."

So the teacher goes down the hall to the boy's restroom and hears Little Johnny saying "three, five, three, five, three, five..."

Home Alone

Tony goes out leaving Steve at home alone and the doorbell rings.

He opens it to a guy, "Hi, is Tony home?"

Steve replies, "No, he went to the store, but you can wait here if you want."

So they sit down and after a while of silence the friend says "You know Steve, you have the greatest body I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred bucks just to kiss your bare chest."

Steve thinks about it for a second and figures, what the hell - a hundred bucks! He opens his robe and shows his hairy chest letting him kiss it. Chris thanks him and throws a hundred bucks on the table. They sit there a while longer and Chris then says "That was so amazing I've got to see your dick too. I'll give you another hundred dollars if I could just blow your dick for a few minutes."

Steve, amazed by the offer, thinks a bit about it and thinks, heck, why not? So he opens his robe and let Chris give him a nice blowjob.

Then Chris thanks and leaves.

A while later Tony arrives back home from the store. Steve goes up to him, "You know, your friend Chris came over."

Tony says, "Well did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?"

Past Lovers

Two guys have been living together for some time when the first guy began to question his lover.

"I know you've been with a lot of other men before. How many were there?"

The lover replied, "Look, I don't want to upset you, there were many. Let's just leave it alone."

The first guy continued to beg and plead.

Finally, the lover gave in.

"Let's see." he said, counting off with his hands, "There was one, two, three, four, five, six, YOU, eight, nine..."

Blond Lover

There were these three guys. They all worked together at this gay owned factory.

Everyday they noticed that their boss would leave work a little early. So one day they meet together and say that today when the boss leaves, they'll all leave early too.

The boss left and so did they.

The first guy goes home and goes to bed so he can get an early start the next day.

The second guy goes home and cooks his lover a fantastic dinner.

The third guy goes home and walks to his bedroom. He opens the door slowly and sees his boyfriend in bed with his boss, so he shuts the door and leaves.

The next day the first and second guys are talking and plan to go home early again.

They ask the third guy if he wants to leave early again and he says, "No."

They ask him why not and he said, "Because yesterday I almost got caught!"

Boxed Dildos

A guy is cleaning out the closet he shares with his lover and on the top shelf he notices a large box. He carefully takes the box down. He notices a sign on top of the box which reads: Do Not Open!

Naturally he was curious so he opens the box and inside he sees $20,000 in cash and three dildos.

Later that evening his lover comes home, and he immediately confronts him about the contents of his box. The lover is upset, but he proceeds, "Why are there three dildos in the box?"

"Every time we had bad sex and I didn't get off, I took a dildo into the bathroom then put it in the box when I was finished" The lover replied.

"Hmm, three dildos, twenty years together, that's not bad," The guy thought. "What's the $20,000 for?," he asked.

"Every time I got a dozen dildos, I sold them."