Two Gay Wood Peckers

A Gay Cape Town woodpecker and a Gay Johannesburg woodpecker were in Cape Town arguing about which city had the toughest trees to peck. The Cape Town woodpecker said that they had a tree that no woodpecker could peck.

The Johannesburg woodpecker challenged him and was able to peck a hole in the tree with no problem. The Cape Town woodpecker was in awe.

The Johannesburg woodpecker then challenged the Cape Town woodpecker to peck a tree in Johannesburg that no woodpecker had been able to peck successfully.

The Cape Town woodpecker expressed confidence that he could do it and accepted the challenge. After flying to Jo'burg, the Cape Town woodpecker successfully pecked the tree with no problem.

The two woodpeckers were now confused.

How is it that the Jo'burg woodpecker was able to peck the Cape Town tree and the Cape Town woodpecker was able to peck the Johannesburg tree when neither one was able to peck the tree in their own city? After thinking for some time they both came to the same conclusion:

Your pecker is always harder when you're away from home.

The Penis Poem

My nookie days are over
My pilot light is out
What used to be my sex appeal
Is now my water spout.

          Time was when, on its own accord
          From my trousers it would spring
          But now I've got a full-time job
          To find the blasted thing.

It used to be embarrassing
The way it would behave
For every single morning
It would stand and watch me shave.

          Now as old age approaches
          It sure gives me the blues
          To see it hang its little head
          And watch me tie my shoes.

Blowing Smoke

Three guys are arrested in an adult book store and appear before the judge. He asks the first guy to stand:

"What is your name?" he asked.

"John," the guy answered.

"And why were you arrested?" the judge asked.

"I was by the magazine rack holding a big fat cigar and blowing smoke." he answered.

The judge didn't see anything wrong with that, so he dismissed the guy and called up the next one.

"What's your name?" he asked.

"John," the guy answered.

"Why were you arrested?" the Judge asked.

"I was by the magazine rack holding a big fat cigar and blowing smoke." he answered.

Again, the judge saw nothing offensive, 'This so-called adult store is beginning to sound more like a smoking club!' he thought. So he dismissed the charge and called up the next guy.

"What's your name?? No wait, let me guess; John." he said.

"No," said the guy, "My name is Smoke."

Gay Rodeo Mishap

Three guys went to the AGRA rodeo. Unfortunately, a big bull jumped the fence into the spectators and they were trampled to death.

Being good God fearing men, they ascended up to Heaven where they were met at the gate by St. Peter. He said, "Welcome to Heaven guys. However I must warn you that we do have our rules here in Heaven. If you break the rules, you will be punished. One rule is, don't step on a duck. If you step on a duck, the duck quacks, then they all quack and it just goes on and on." The three guys decided that sounded simple enough and they passed through the Pearly Gates.

Sure enough, there were ducks everywhere! It didn't take long before the first guy was hurrying along and he stepped on a duck. The duck quacked, then they all quacked, and it was a terrible racket and it just went on and on.

Pretty soon here came St. Peter and he had a homely little man in tow. "I warned you that if you broke the rules you would be punished." He chained the homely little man to the first guy with a little short piece of chain and said, "You will be together forever," and walked away.

Before long guy #2 stepped on a duck. The duck quacked, then they all quacked and it was a terrible commotion that just went on and on. Lo and behold here came St. Peter with an even homelier little man, saying "I warned you that if you broke the rules you would be punished." He chained the little man to the second guy with a little short piece of chain and said, "You will be together ever after," and walked away.

Well, the third guy decided he was going to be very careful not to step on a duck. He was doing quite well when one day St. Peter came with a gorgeous hunk of man. He chained them together and said, "You will be together for eternity" and walked away.

The guy said, "Wow, I wonder what I did to deserve this?"

"I don't know about you," said the hunk, "but I stepped on a duck."