Lawyers

A Mafia Godfather, accompanied by his attorney, walks into a room to meet with his former accountant.

The Godfather asks the accountant, "Where is the 3 million bucks you embezzled from me?" The accountant does not answer.

The Godfather asks again, "Where is the 3 million bucks you embezzled from me?"

The attorney interrupts, "Sir, the man is a deaf mute and cannot understand you, but I can interpret for you."

The Godfather says, "Well ask him where my damn money is!" The attorney, using sign language, asks the accountant where the 3 million dollars is.

The accountant signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about."

The attorney interprets to the Godfather, "He doesn't know what you are talking about."

The Godfather pulls out a 9 millimeter pistol, puts it to the temple of the accountant, cocks the trigger and says, "Ask him again where my damn money is!"

The attorney signs to the accountant, "He wants to know where it is!

The accountant signs back, "OK! OK! OK! The money is hidden in a brown suitcase behind the shed in my backyard!"

The Godfather says, "Well.... what did he say?"

The attorney interprets to the Godfather, "He says... go to hell... that you don't have the guts to pull the trigger."

Handjob

A guy walks into a gay pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar:

Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
Hand Job: $10.00

Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive boys serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.

"Yes?" one of the boys enquires with a knowing smile, "Can I help you?"

"I was wondering", whispers the man, "Are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"

"Yes", he purrs, "I am."

The man replies "Well wash your fucking hands, boy, I want a cheese sandwich."