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The Brute
The police department received a call at 1A.M. from a professor at the local university who reported a break-in.
"The man was a huge brute," the professor reported. "He ripped the covers off the bed and found me sleeping naked. He looked at me in the most vile possible way and then he exposed this incredibly large penis."
"That sounds awful," The sympathetic police clerk responded.
"That's not the worst part. He made me put that disgusting thing in my mouth, then he turned me over and shoved it up my ass until I felt like I would split in two."
"We'll send a squad over right away to look for him," the clerk said.
"Oh, you don't have to do that," the professor said. He's in the shower now. Why don't you just come over and pick him up in the morning."
Q. - What's the difference between a straight man and a gay man?
A. - The number of beers you have to buy each before you take him home.
Hard-on!
Allan, Brian, and Mike were captured by the Nazis. The Germans told them they would only let them go if their penis sizes totaled up to 12 inches.
Allan walked in and he measured 6 1/2 inches.
Mike added 5 inches.
Finally, Brian walked in and he measured 1/2 inch.
So the Nazis let them go.
Allan said, "If it wasn't for my 6 1/2 inches, we would never have gotten out."
Mike said, "Well, if it wasn't for my 5 inches, we'd still be prisoners."
Brian challenged, "Oh yeah? Well, if it wasn't for my hard-on, we could have been dead."
Mary
The flaming fag was walking by the construction site when he saw a gorgeous He-man.
He stopped, gawked, then began flirting outrageously.
Finally, the construction worker shouted, "Get out of here, you queer, or I'll ram this jackhammer up your ass."
"Oooooo," twitted the fag as he bent over, "I thought you'd never ask."
Car accident
Two gay friends were out riding in a car.
The passenger started caressing the driver, who was so distracted that he smashed into a delivery truck.
The burly truck driver raced up and started screaming and arguing, finally shouting, "Kiss my ass!"
The gay driver took a step back and said, "Now you stop that. This is no time to make love."
Not that hard!
A driver picks up a gay hitchhiker.
The stranger gets in and sees a monkey in the back seat of the car. Twenty minutes go by and the driver reaches back and slaps the monkey in the head real hard. The monkey jumps into the front seat and begins to give the driver a blowjob.
Twenty minutes later, the driver slaps the monkey again in the head real hard, and the monkey performs the same action.
After a few more times, the driver asks the stranger, "Do you want to try?"
The stranger replies, "OK, but you don't have to slap me that hard!"
First time
A man walked in a bar and asked for ten shots of whiskey.
The bartender lined them up, and the man proceeded to down all ten in about two minutes.
After he was done, the bartender asked him, "Hey, what was the occasion?"
"I just got my first blow job," replied the man.
The bartender said, "Great, let me buy you another shot of whiskey."
"No," the man said. "If ten shots won't kill the taste, nothing will."
Trial
Three gay friends get stranded on a island inhabited by cannibals. Soon, the three men were found and taken to the chief of the tribe. The chief told the men they had one chance for freedom. They would have to go through a trial. The three friends agreed.
The chief said that first they had to go into the jungle and pick ten pieces of the same fruit. So, thinking it was simple enough, the men went on their way. The first returned with ten apples.
The chief proceeded to tell him that the second part of the trial was that he had to shove all ten of the apples up his ass without wincing. The man began... 1... 2... but on the third apple the man winced and the cannibals took him away and ate him.
The second returned with ten berries. The chief explained the procedure and the man began... 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7... 8... 9... but with the ninth berry the man burst out into laughter. The cannibals took him away and ate him.
The first and second man met in heaven and the first man asked the second, "What happened? You were one berry from freedom. Why did you start laughing?"
The second man replied, "I saw the third man returning from the jungle with ten pineapples!"
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