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Oh my God!
Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together.
The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him Father."
The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, Your Grace."
The third Catholic woman says smugly, "My son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, Your Eminence."
The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence.
The first three women give her this subtle "Well...?"
She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6' 2", hard-bodied stripper... Whenever he walks into a room, people say, Oh my God..."
On the first day out to sea, the new young crew member noticed his shipmates were a rough lot. After every meal, the men would belch and fart incredibly noisily, like cannons firing.
The second day he decided to join his mates and ventured a gentle "Phtt."
Suddenly, the second mate, a towering giant, rose up, slammed his fist on the table and announced, "All right, men...The virgin boy is mine!"
Q. - What do a Christmas tree and a Priest have in common?
A. - Their balls are just for decoration.
Choice
A gay man went to church on Sunday morning and when they passed the collection basket, he dropped in $50.
When the minister saw this, he asked him to stand up.
The minister said that in honor of his generous contribution he could take his choice of three hymns.
The gay man stood, turned toward the congregation, then lisped, "Okay, I'll take him, and him, and him."
Q. - What's the difference between a sin and a shame?
A. - It's a sin to stick it in and a shame to pull it out.
Also the Pope!
A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a bus one day and sat down next to a priest. The drunk's shirt was stained, his face was smeared with bright red lipstick and he had a half-empty bottle of wine sticking out of his pocket.
He opened his newspaper and started reading.
A few minutes later he asked the priest, "Father, what causes arthritis?"
"Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap wicked women, too much alcohol, and contempt for your fellow man", replied the priest.
"Well, I'll be damned," the drunk muttered and returned to reading his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he just said to the man, apologized. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong my son. How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't, father. I was just reading in the paper that the Pope has it."
Lawyers.
Two gay friends passed on the street.
One stopped the other and exclaimed, "Darling, I thought they'd sent you to jail on that sodomy charge?"
"Oh, no," the other exclaimed. "I found this wonderful lawyer who got the charge reduced to following too closely."
Q. - What's the difference between a priest and a homosexual?
A. - The way they pronounce A-men.
Q. - What do you call an Amish Guy with his arm up a horse's ass?
A. - A Mechanic.
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